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Alien Invaders

I went to see The Avengers some time ago. Lots of fun with the special effects. I got to see Iron Man and Thor in action as well as The Incredible Hulk. This movie is great escapism as was Independence Day. Just lots of shoot ‘em up fun and the aliens or bad superheroes seem to get it in the nick of time and thus humanity is saved. Crazy.

Crazy, I say? Well, I guess they all can’t be Skynet. Or Cylons. As baddies, the Cylons were ultra cool. A Cylon infiltrated and corrupted the defense mainframe and the same Cylon killed a newborn in the first part of the BSG (Battlestar Galactica) mini series. The perfect villains, until Sharon Valerii. You know, that’s something else, the word processor keeps correcting Cylons to Colons. Perhaps it’s because they’re … I’m not sure.

At any rate, I always thought of bad guys as being cunning and the good people just a little slow on the uptake. That’s because the good guys aren’t yet aware of the evil plans. In many of these movies and television shows, something minor trips up the baddies. The Cylons were the best I’ve seen, but did get careless by letting themselves be seen too many times.

Really. There oughta be some rules that scripted villains operate by, aliens or otherwise. Maybe I should list some that I think would work.

1. Be ruthless. Don’t suddenly get a conscience. Nothing more annoying than a villain who decides that maybe he is going too far.

2. Be relentless. Don’t stop, even for a coffee break. Always do something to kill your enemy or at least to damage him so he can’t ever recover.

3. Be smart. Plan for all contingencies. Realize that stupid humans may somehow develop a computer virus that affects your obviously alien and more advanced computer software, running on alien and much more powerful computers, might be susceptible to compromise.

4. Logistics. Always be sure, if you’re a villain, to have every thing you need and a way to get it to you. Also, be sure to have a way out if your plans are thwarted.

5. Thoroughness. Nothing like leaving unfinished business to trip you up before the movie’s end. Lots of villains are foiled because they didn’t recognize the consequences of not finishing a required job or a component thereof.

It’s why I have a hard time with movies and television shows. Everything goes along fine, and I know I don’t really want the bad guy to win, but come on!! Something as small as the victim leaving a cell phone open so the good guys can track the signal and listen in? Wasn’t the victim searched thoroughly? Sure, but somehow the victim gets the phone. There are other examples.

Another thing that annoys me. The aliens are obviously superior. They have all this unlimited Hollywood tech. If they’re coming to invade Earth, why aren’t they turning the planet to glass? They got these advanced starships and yet they don’t carry nuclear weapons? I know if I was coming to take a planet from some low brain aliens, I’d at least bring a coupla nukes along to terrorize them. After cowing the natives, I could use my advanced technology to clean up the fallout and make the planet a paradise for my kind.

Also, I wouldn’t be thinking about enslaving or eating the aliens: I’d exterminate the pests. Or would I? Even today we have a whole range of technologies that can be used to modify the behavior of people. What would superior aliens or villains have? I am sure that what takes us an hour or so, such as reading a person’s genetic sequence, would take mere milliseconds for unlimited technology. After that, feed the data into a computer and create injections or some other means to develop the most obedient humans here or in a galaxy far, far away.

Now, successful villains don’t make a movie all that fun. Most of the time. But that’s okay too. There is always room for a sequel. Or, the movie could just go for thirty minutes or so over the standard ninety minute time allotted. Think War of the Worlds, the book and both movies. Something that both the aliens and the humans didn’t figure on, microbes. Even the Van Allen Belts might somehow trip them up.

However much fun we all have in front of the or the big screen, let’s all be grateful that there don’t seem to be any evil aliens bent on our destruction close by. Because, in real life, they’d win.

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